Pay up or else

The romanticized apocalypse, the liar’s apostle

shaped the ignorance from the truths playdo

I know 1 thing or 2 being a 3rd person

I understand why but 4 what reason

Total dominance at every possible cost

Those living on credit are the ones who lost

to a one-eyed pyramid mummified mind magnified

Waiting until all conjured pharaohs have died

Crossing my fingers in the cigar cutter

So no point across can be pointed out,

Neutralized troublemaker

So no point across can be pointed out

The tree

I encountered my dad in the shape of tree December 2003

snowflakes thickend my vision likes cocaine raining from heaven

leaning over the pavement nature inflicted it´s agony

The feeling of weight

whit no proper shape

to high ambitions

can put some in coffins

his unselfish deeds

are in need of nourishing needs

like my lungs in symbioses with its functions

like my heart in symbioses with his careness

overloaded with natural causes

searching for possible rescues

misplaced due to weakness

it had thin branches

taller trees stood around unaffected

but this one was the one I respected

I stood mesmerized by the resembles

thinking about my father backproblems

physical metaphor of something I’ve seen before, what could it be

to limited paper to figure out the memory related

powerless to circumstances similar to imagines I had in my memory

you’re unsolved riddle in my hometown

you hustled them on random jetsam

that’s why he hasn’t got official professions

but sometimes you turn joy to afflictions

nosy neighbors making up theories

of how you pull your business

the greatest provider I’ve ever known

the cash he makes he sees little as his own

the situation I observed so often,

claiming every camel’s back is broken

weird sense from trivial scenery

parts of you are still a mystery

tough love or helping hand is the same

showing me the art in how to remain

standing before me personified,

this tree is a piece of you magnified

like sons fathers need attention to so I shook the tree loose from the burden of snow

held it a brief second to exam its’ skinny figure and then released

it rose in an instant and I continued to walk to where ever I planned to go.

written 2004

And I apologize, pt 2

I don’t know how this story will end, from whatever conjuring dispute rose

Friendship is a delicate relation, you never proclaimed anything

Was it more shit on your chest then appeared to your surrounding

Obvious bad self-esteem and yet some books are harder to open then to close

Malice was never my true intention

I remind optimistic and relied on you, still I got surprised every time you’re disappointing

You couldn’t grasp the big world mainly why it got out of hand, Let you off with a warning

You got to accept the justified tantrum

I still consider you as a friend to me.

Defaulted

Now it’s my obligation to ask for apology

Resulted

(2:robin, cancerface 2005)

And I apologize, pt 1

Hence the expression kill my darling, the elusive promises

I kept her happy to my own advantage, words well spent

Overlooked the impact and then I just lost judgment

The player never changes only the game, the dogma is useless

I had home-field advantage, a pawn to my likening

Smart she was her love should be diverted to appreciation

And 4 years from thorough thinking has breached my reason

I discovered the impossible, her void left a marking

To my personal posterity

Defaulted

It’s my obligation to ask for apology

Resulted?

(2:Ellie by Cancerface 2005)

Resurrecting devils

it comes to my attention,
hello stereotype reputation
the angle from witch i'm overrated
i have the gift to make all twisted
never did try to impress
chance turns to random success,
strives turns to anticipated failure
i stick to my word witch i deliver
mr non-stop is a burden annex
i cant find the symmetrical sex
the essence being a Duracell bunny
a hype envy and pillow still empty

i never did hit the 45 year old milf outta misplaced moral
only exchange words, a gent but a latent scoundrel
my friend tells me to stop sleeping with my friends
sometimes the obvious is a turn on, that suspends
I've dealt with the rules that your anguish brings
but the questionmarks were heavy, until i got my wings
daddy insults my intelligence undeliberate, dramatic
i'm still his ignorent kid who'll get tired of rap music
eventually, what do you know really
does this poem shed light, to anyone, to me

brawl and senseless gibberish,
all over characteristics
every party conversations
feels like academic nonsense
i guess it's a maturing question
or a failed equilibrium
i admit i'm not the brightest of cats
in the best of times sorry to admit the fact
and you always find someone that's better
in what oneself does, lobotomy in every letter
i'm quiet now thou everybody, the affliction speaks
only 2 i knows the score when my voice is at ease

two brain parts, one is confused
and the other is split in half from truth
looking for trouble, then look in the mirror
looking for logic, ask the riddler
this isnt emo, hip hop, postmodern or any ism
this is my beaver dam in a modern cataclysm
wanderer above the sea of Fog, yes romantic
no it's peter pan turned into a lunatic
everyone wants to know what i do, it's show
you still don't care of what you already know
unless i didn't do the expected unexpected
it's more devils in heaven, and all resurrected


maybe i should pick up the newspaper so i can be more involved
maybe i should pick on the wrong guy so i can boost my ego embold
maybe i should pick up a shovel and bury evidence unproven
maybe i should pick up a girl and start this shit over again

and again

and again

In the dragonfly vortex

Woke up on an altar in the jungle to the sound of vicious commotion
A red komodo dragon had overpowered a yellow one by seldom
Shook epileptic I moved away fast for safety
As the beasts of sunsets ripped open each other majestically

Secure and slowly returned my senses,
Walls moved like catching their breaths
I gazed around and found myself among Khmer ruins
Smell of smoke came from ransacked pyramids

Everything narrowed and stretched one direction
Nature lured me with its cryptic insisting fiction
So distant and small, for me to fit seemed impossible
And I realized this place has no bond with the logical

It was like I was taken for a walk by the pavements
As the stretched pixelated view displayed city limits
The people here were a blend of my sanity and common madness
My feet were bare walking on shattered glass and toxic insects

Like a ghost I yelled for help, to be unnoticed
Is like they didn’t understand, but I shared their language
Cameras on streetlights watching where one stood or sat
This had a source and panic and stress became a fact

The elephant man in public, barrels containing fire
And people around were dressed in thorns and barbwire
This garment was also on my feet, a giant looked like my x
She gave me that look I hate, which left me more perplexed

Further down on the right shone club Lettches squares
It was closing hour since people were leaving in pairs
It was my friends lead out drunk by lady boys
Their devious grins show traps and my friends took the decoys

A futile attempt trying to get their attention
They had not turned to stone but inside they were frozen
Like a blank gaze medusa put a spell on them by flame
They looked around as if they didn’t know their own name

I felt helpless and got sucked away segment by segment
Under the cameras assembled the keepers of the establishment
Their skin looked like glowing charcoal
Orange and dust grey with eyes like a black hole

I looked down to avoid eye contact with the patrol
And discovered I was standing on top of my own skull
The tarmac looked like labyrinths three dimensional
"You are here" were written like graffiti scribble

I came across to slum looking tin can shakes, pillaged by time
With peepshow booths design and I heard melodies of nursery rhymes
I saw mother and daughter coming out from one
And seconds later from the same door, so did father with son

The stench of unwilling sex formed to polluted clouds
Booth below and above as the descent became dilated mouths
Like looking into the jaws of great whites
Inky blackness tapestry that cuts and below flew kites

Cylinder shaped my path was, a surreal regime
And I felt like a bad stand-up comedian,
Who is observing the show behind the curtain
My feet finally made contact in horizontal fashion

A harbor with marsh at the shore so maroon
Immaculated insects making hymns an unknown tune
And I made my way down closer the water
With thoughts filled with despice and terror

Fisher nets, barrels, all ornaments were moldy
I didn’t know what to make of this new scenery
Beside me was a boars head on a stick, surrounded by flies
Its tongue hung and it had rolled over eyes

He spoke "I am this abyss's embassy"
What purpose has my presence in this morbid comedy?
"A question with weight in a bottomless pit
You have been summoned by lady A for a reason unforfit"

Who is this lady A you speak of, you decapitated senate
"Information beyond me every master is unknown to his puppet"
You know the one who bought me; we're booth props in this event place
"The one who brought you here was you; you are in the dragonfly vortex"

You said I was summoned, stick to my question
"Lady A is a bi-product of this manifestation
One creates chaos but pass on the responsibility
To what absorbed the flaws of your kinetic energy"

In the back I saw approaching shapes
They increased in numbers like silent wraiths
The robes they wore were the same as of ku klux clan
Then I discovered the color of their hand was that of a black man

They appointed me to the marsh, in a collective movement
Behind the gloomy fog were a thousand dragonflies present
I stood in the tornado of these insect pixies
I felt a presence of a larger figure clear from the haze

Lady A opposite, with a face expression of despice
Wore thick glasses, Afro-American, half my size
Veins that held stories, her age undetermined elderly
Two pairs of wings and airborne was the only unordinary

"You see everything without moving your head
No source of light or sun can be located"
My discovery confirmed her statement with why
And then my palms discovered I had eyes of a fly

"Think of me as Faust and you as Mestofiles"
But I don’t have answers to any divine secrets.
Do you know of how long my vertical odyssey lasts
What can I have done to deserve these sanity tasks?

Me being Faust is just paradoxal
"Faust didn’t tilt the earth’s axle
Nor did he create the inferno
But he imagined his existing limbo"

"And mestofiles gave answers with no significance
And you are aware of this realm and its functions
You have certain rules here keeping you trapped as bait
But I’m the one with the questions as a keepsake"

"You’ve seen a lot but have you seen enough
You think you know what's real but do you know what´s bluff
You think you're independent but you're owned by someone
You know so many although you're alone"

"You think you accomplished much but for what
You think you're creative but what do you know about art
You’ve got your opinions but who has the same
You think you know peace but what do you know of pain"

"Do you need the acknowledgment to what you're convinced you know
Or would you ignore that and live happy as an average Joe"
You ask me as all the answers are same and simple as 42
That strive is endless and to be unaware, is that to be true?

"This is your Ittahka, would you wait not knowing when rescue appears?
Or would you be the dragonfly that has all figured out, the day it perseveres?"
With these words she flew out of the buzzing whirlwind with me in the middle
Insipidly I tried to digest this hallucinating riddle

My vision moved up and down rapidly
Then I sensed my weight leaving my body
As someone colored my gaze with an optical pencil
And I felt light as a rose pebble


This is the feeling I get from rush of slumber
Like the fly with 360 degrees perspective, caught in a salt shaker
That explained my eye transformation, a passive all around observer
Then I awoke to my breath that stank of an absinth odour